Part of me wants to, part of me doesn’t

tug of war

Have you ever said that? “Part of me wants to, part of me doesn’t.” I have!

We all have different parts of us.

They can even be a different age or gender. They all have purposes and jobs/roles too.

Internal Family Systems (IFS), an integrative therapeutic approach teaches us that we all have various parts of us – some that are “managers/protectors”, “firefighters,” and “exiles.”

Have you every been in a situation where you feel so much dissonance that you feel stuck? It could be that your “parts” are at polar ends of the spectrum in regards to what you are facing. Or it could be a certain part of you (exiled part?) is resisting and have not yet given permission to move forward on that particular issue in your life.

If this is the case: try this: step back a little from these parts: ask yourself: how do you feel about that part? what is their job description?

Have compassion and curiosity about that part. Can you ask that part for permission to transform their job or role a bit to make it more adaptive?

To read more about IFS click here.

Here’s to honoring every part of you! Happy Thursday!


Becoming a Genius

“Everybody is a Genius. But if you Judge a Fish by its Ability to Climb a Tree, it Will Live its Whole Life Believing it is Stupid.” – Albert Einstein

Are you a “fish” and continue to judge yourself by your ability to climb a tree? It is time to stop and think about who you are and what you were born to do and be. You are human – one who feels, dreams, makes mistakes and longs to connect with other humans. One who is deeply valued and loved.

Here’s to an Easter Weekend of embracing a newness of a Life that is real, true, and abundant!


Burn The Ships

Image result for fire

I recently listened to a song titled “Burn the Ships” – it got me curious. What did this term mean? After some research, it turns out that ancient Grecian armies would land on enemy shores to wage war and the first command from their captain would be “Burn the Ships!” – an inspirational battle cry to muster courage and commitment for there is no turning back.

What a way to move ahead. I think of the emotional work and courage it takes to be healthy emotionally in our modern society. It is easy to keep all our options open and not make any sort of commitment – which could be advantageous – like free trials for Amazon prime, Spotify, you name it!

However, with human needs such as relationships – commitment and courage to be vulnerable are the essential ingredients to a healthy and secure attachment.

For relationships to be successful, there are times we must “Burn the Ships” that brought us ashore to a land that is unfamiliar and seemingly dangerous.


Inward Journey

Our culture can often be defined by busyness. At one time or another we’ve probably all have gotten caught up in it. From young to old we’re running from one activity to another hoping to enjoy the fruits of life abundantly. Some people call it “FOMO” the fear of missing out.

Henri Nouwen says something so profound yet simple. It makes me think of a great tree growing and flourishing in a thousand year old forest. The farther out it’s branches grow the deeper it’s roots must be.

So, perhaps it is with us.

May your weekend be one of inward growth that allows abundance on your outward journey!

State Shifting

blog state shift

We’ve all been there – we are upset about something – perhaps a fight with our partner, a stressor at work, or someone just cut you off in the car on the way to your local coffee shop. You get in line to order your morning latte and boom! The barista says hello and you can’t help but feel angry at this other human being talking to you. Poor barista!

Our emotions can often overflow in this way. We are humans- full of feelings and sometimes we need a little state shifting to move us from the funk towards feeling and operating more authentically to who we want to be in that situation.

So, what is state shifting? Continue reading “State Shifting”

Holidays and Grief


With Halloween in the rear view mirror, we are beginning to see the signs of the holidays all over – in the mall, in the grocery stores, on television.

For many people the holidays can bring up stress and anxiety. For some, grief may be ever present. Especially if you have lost someone close to you or have relationships that are strained – the holidays – marked by family gatherings can be a sensitive and difficult time of the year.

Continue reading “Holidays and Grief”